Dating With Hives
Last updated: February 2023
It’s February! We know what that means, romance is in the air!
Dating isn’t easy. At any age, definitely not as we grow older. Relationships take work, trust, and communication. You go through ups and downs. Breakups, marriage, divorce. There’s so many different things that go into a relationship that make it work. Each one is unique, each partner is unique. Together, they’re a couple.
Being chronically ill isn’t easy. Dating while chronically ill is a completely different ball game. Relationships with one partner chronically ill can be challenging. I’ve seen far too many give up on their relationship, their marriage. They feel like a burden to their healthy partner, they feel unworthy. It’s easy to get stuck in that rabbit hole. To think we have nothing to offer. You do.
I started dating again last fall. At first I was so nervous because of my health, in particular my ostomy and hives. How do you explain either by themselves, but now combined? It felt so daunting at first. I just kind of went with it, and was pretty open about my ostomy. It wasn’t an issue at all. Now my hives, I'm not very open about that. Odd right? You’d think of all my conditions, that’s one I'd be the most open about, but it’s one I keep pretty quiet.
My biggest issue with my hives is the itching. I have to keep a strict routine with my antihistamines to keep it at bay, and lately I haven't been the best at that due to some stress. I catch myself sometimes getting really itchy and just scratching, sometimes till I break skin. Which isn’t ideal in any way.
How to date with chronic hives
Here’s a few things that have helped in dating with hives and chronic illness as a whole.
- Open communication
- Share concerns
- Share potential triggers/reactions
- Explain what a flare up looks like and how it can impact you
- Don’t give up
Those seem pretty easy right? You’d think that, but I think we tend to shy away from dating at times because it seems so daunting. Open communication is so important. Explain your condition, it’s up to you how soon to share, or just how much to share. There’s no right or wrong way. Next, share your concerns about dating, or if your condition could impact your dating life. Be honest with your potential partner. Share your triggers, this is such an important one. Sharing those can help minimize flare ups, which is what we all want, right? I personally think sharing what a flare up looks like, and what I may need at that time helps keep that open communication. I think it also helps ease maybe some concerns or even worries from your potential partner. Keeping that communication open is truly the key of a successful relationship. We need that on both sides.
If you do end up in a flare up, remember, it happens, and it’s ok. I’ve ended up in a few over the last few months. My itchiness comes and goes. If a flare up happens, don’t be discouraged. Don’t immediately give up on dating. Express to your date what’s going on. Most importantly breathe. It’s going to be ok.
You are worthy
So why this topic? Well I think sometimes we don’t think about dating, or how to date with chronic hives or any chronic illness at all. It can seem so difficult and overwhelming. We can feel like what’s the point, is it worth it? It is! We all deserve to find someone. Let’s not let our hives take such control. It’s just in time for Valentine's Day! Let’s not give up on dating. Let’s not give up on finding someone.
Dating, relationships with chronic illness isn’t easy. Just don’t give up. Don’t give up love. Don’t make that decision for the other person. That’s not right or fair. Our health doesn’t make it easy, but please know you are not a burden. You are not unworthy. You are so worthy. Tip your chin up, straighten your crown, you are more than worthy..
Do you have tips for dating with chronic hives? Share with Ambre and connect with the CH community in the comments below!
How well do you feel you manage your chronic hives?