Hinge-ing with Hives

Dating. What a roller-coaster it can be. If you’re lucky enough to have found your partner for life prior to being diagnosed with chronic hives, I am sure you find your own set of challenges. However for those of us who are still in the already exhausting dating world, having chronic hives just adds another layer of challenges that you may not have expected.

You don’t want to be a hermit that never leaves home because you’re scared to be seen, but you also don’t want to have to give your entire treatment/diagnosis story when you meet someone new. It’s a coin-flip game of ‘Is it worth it or not?’

Online dating and hives

We all know dating apps are about the best chance of meeting individuals in the current lifestyle. As for me, after a 40-hour work week that includes a commute through Washington D.C.’s beltways, about the only time I have to ‘date’ is online and it all starts with one of the dating apps.

Whether it be Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, or another site, you can find your stack of insecurities putting yourself out there to meet someone new.

So let’s say you finally do get to the stage of meet and greet and now date–will a flare-up change your plans? And how do you explain the hives on your body to a complete stranger? You can make light of the situation and just flat out tell them what’s going on, hoping that they understand and don’t see you as a health risk. Or you can try to hide the hives until it's inevitable and then spring it on them. But, neither is ideal and you gamble with their understanding either way.

Being upfront and honest

Personally, I am pretty honest about what I go through if someone asks. And then I wait to see if they panic or not. (kidding!) In all honesty, I think it’s best for me to be upfront about chronic hives with someone else because it foregoes that stress for later. But, that is a personal choice. I know it is different for others.

This immune disease has given me a lot of challenges in the dating world outside of the hives itself. Weight gain from steroid treatment, hair loss, and joint pain, to name a few. And maybe I am being optimistic that the ‘right’ person will understand that journey and want to tag along. But, either way, I am doing what’s best for me. The fact is I am who I am. The hives may be there or they won’t, it doesn’t change who I am as a person. And if being upfront and honest about my immune disease makes me feel more confident, then that is what I will do.

Dating insecurities

There is no shame in being honest with yourself or others. There is no shame in having chronic hives and dating. If I polled my friends on what they were most insecure about in dating, I am sure there would be physical traits that they are worried about on a first date. Everyone has something they’re insecure about. 

And as much as you may feel like you’re alone in this dating journey, you’re far from it. Put your best foot forward and be confident about how far you’ve made it.