My Hate-Hate Relationship With Lotion

Last updated: October 2022

I’m not a big fan of summer. I get overheated very quickly and get tired of taking showers all the time. We are finally at the end of summer where I live, and the weather is beginning to cool off…I’m sure you know what that means! No, I’m not talking about sweaters and pumpkin spice lattes. I’m talking about the insatiable need to put lotion on 2-3 times a day because my skin is so dry. I wish I could tell you that I love putting lotion on all the time, but I really, really do not.

It’s time-consuming. I know it only takes like three minutes, okay, but if you add up three minutes, three times a day for a week, that’s sixty-four minutes! That’s over an hour every week just to put on lotion! Fine, realistically I only put it on twice a day, but still, that’s three times two times 7, which is still 42 mins every week. Okay, okay, you got me, it’s more like once a day, but three times seven is still too many minutes to be putting on lotion every week.

Like a magnet

I have a large black German Shepard that I’m training to be my service dog. Let me tell you, there’s a reason they are sometimes called German shedders. My floor turns black if I don’t vacuum once a week. But more realistically, I vacuum every other week. Fine! I’m lucky if I vacuum once a month and that means a lot of hair! Have you ever brushed up against a dog after putting lotion on? Yeah. And since I’m usually swimming in dog hair (unless I just vacuumed right before I put lotion on, but let’s be real here) that dog hair sticks to me like a magnet and I start to look more like my dog than a human.

Bedtime routine

I usually put lotion on right before getting in bed at night, it’s just more “convenient” to do it then. (It’s never convenient!) But after doing that night after night, my sheets start to look like I took a bottle of oil and dumped it all over them. It can get kinda gross after a week or so if I don’t change my sheets. Okay, maybe two weeks, since we’ve already established that I’m not the most responsible person here. Three weeks at the most, I swear! And it doesn’t wash out well either. I use a laundry service and I often wonder what the person washing my sheets thinks I did to them.

Hard-earned money

Lotion is expensive too! At least the good stuff is. I know you can get a bottle of that scented stuff for like $1 at the dollar tree, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to the kind of lotion that is approved by whatever association or society decides that they need to approve lotion. Yeah, that stuff. If I’m on my game and have washed the sheets and vacuumed the floor, and I’m ACTUALLY putting lotion on as much as I should be, I can go through a $15 jar in a week and a half. Multiply 1.5 times the 4 weeks in a month times the number of months in winter…never mind…$15 times a lot equals a lot more. My point is, it gets expensive! Who likes to spend their hard-earned money on lotion?? I know I don’t.

Dry skin season

While I love the cooler weather of autumn and winter, I certainly don’t like the dry skin that comes with those seasons. But, as a responsible adult, I still have to take care of my skin or I end up scratching it all off, which is never a good thing. On the plus side, my skin is silky soft!

What’s your favorite lotion when the weather cools off? Do certain lotions trigger your chronic hives? Let us know in the comments.

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