I remember when I first developed my hives. They were itchy, splotchy and just awful. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see them. I tried to hide them, which didn’t help since heat was a trigger, and I live in Florida. It took weeks for them to finally calm down. Weeks of meds to ease the pain and itching.
I was so glad when they went away. Then they came back. And kept coming back. I struggled so much with them. Struggled to not be embarrassed by them. How would they impact a relationship? How would it impact intimacy? Would my partner think they’re gross? How do we manage intimacy in the face of chronic hives?
Well, it was simple really. Communication. Communicating with my partner. Being honest, and sharing my concerns and coming up with a plan together. It’s not an easy conversation in the beginning. In all honesty though, they didn’t impact our intimacy much at all. Unless I'm in a flare up. We are cautious of my triggers and what soaps, and intimacy products we can use. We know each other, we trust each other. We’ve built a solid foundation on trust and communication.
Intimacy with chronic hives
Intimacy with chronic hives can be challenging. It can seem uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be. It can seem so overwhelming in the beginning. It can feel like you’ll lose that intimacy, that part of your relationship. You don’t have to though. It takes time, communication and trust with your partner to find what works best for you. To find a way to make it comfortable.
I know this isn’t an easy topic for some. It can be embarrassing to talk about. However, this is an important topic. Intimacy is important to all of us. Sex can be part of that intimacy. Why should we not participate just because of our hives? Our hives don’t diminish our desire, or want. It doesn’t diminish our worth. Some meds do impact our libido, some don’t. I will say sometimes the mental aspect impacts it more than anything.
There’s different tips and tricks to help rebuild that intimacy. To rebuild that confidence in yourself.
- Do a boudoir shoot
- Buy something that makes you feel desirable.
- Play the Adventure Game, which is a game for couples.
- A moonlight picnic
- Write each other letters
- Write your wants
Share with your partner
We have a tendency to avoid difficult topics. Sometimes it’s easier to avoid them so we don’t have rejection, or hurt. Ignoring those topics leads to frustration, and can grow resentment in a relationship. Things you don’t want. I know it’s not easy opening yourself up, being honest about something you’re insecure about, but do it. Share that with your partner. Talk through it with them, find things to keep the intimacy going. Find things that make you feel desirable, beautiful, confident. Because I promise you, you are worthy of it.
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