Navigating Intimacy With Chronic Hives

I remember when I first developed my hives. They were itchy, splotchy, and just awful. I was embarrassed. I didn’t want anyone to see them. I tried to hide them, which didn’t help since heat was a trigger and I live in Florida. It took weeks for them to finally calm down. Weeks of meds to ease the pain and itching.

I was so glad when they went away. Then they came back. And kept coming back. I struggled so much with them. Struggled to not be embarrassed by them. How would they impact a relationship? How would it impact intimacy? Would my partner think they’re gross? How do we manage intimacy in the face of chronic hives?

Well, it was simple, really: communication. Communicating with my partner. Being honest and sharing my concerns and coming up with a plan together.

It’s not an easy conversation in the beginning. In all honesty, though, they don’t impact our intimacy much at all, unless I'm in a flare-up. We are cautious of my triggers and what soaps and intimacy products we can use. We know each other, we trust each other. We’ve built a solid foundation on trust and communication.

Intimacy with chronic hives

Intimacy with chronic hives can be challenging. It can seem uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have to be.

It can seem so overwhelming in the beginning. It can feel like you’ll lose that intimacy, that part of your relationship. You don’t have to, though. It takes time, communication, and trust with your partner to find what works best for you. To find a way to make it comfortable.

I know this isn’t an easy topic for some. It can be embarrassing to talk about. However, this is an important topic. Intimacy is important to so many of us. Sex can be part of that intimacy. Why should we not participate just because of our hives? Our hives don’t diminish our desire or want. It doesn’t diminish our worth. Some meds do impact our libido, some don’t. I will say sometimes the mental aspect impacts it more than anything.

There are a few ideas I can think of for different tips and tricks to help rebuild that intimacy, to rebuild that confidence in yourself:

• Do a boudoir shoot
• Buy something that makes you feel desirable
• Play the Adventure Game or another game for adult couples
• A moonlight picnic
• Write each other letters
• Write down your desires

Share with your partner

We have a tendency to avoid difficult topics. Sometimes it’s easier to avoid them so we don’t have to face rejection or hurt. But ignoring those topics can lead to frustration and can allow resentment to grow in a relationship — things we definitely don't want.

I know it’s not easy opening yourself up and being honest about something you’re insecure about, but I recommend you do it. Share these things with your partner. Talk through it with them and find things to keep the intimacy going. Find things that make you feel desirable, beautiful, confident. Because I promise you — you are worthy of it.