No Energy At All

Sigh. Finding the energy to write down how I feel is sometimes so difficult, especially because I am still looking for answers, and the search takes so much out of me. Do you know that feeling? Are you tired of everything that comes your way? I try very hard to stay positive and take my medication on time, but I'm getting so tired of this uncertainty. It just seems unstoppable—the itching, tiredness, red rashes, and more.

Lately, I've noticed that I'm getting a bit irritated by the itching. I try to hide it very often and ignore it so that I don't have to deal with it.

The happy formula doesn't exist

Actually, I am quite a positive person, and I try to extract a lesson or wisdom from every difficult situation. But right now, it just doesn't work! That “happy formula” does not seem to apply.

Admitting the vulnerability

A few days ago, I dared to be honest with myself and had to admit that I don't feel comfortable in my body. I find it difficult to keep having to itch and feel insecure. This feeling is mainly because I have a strange burning sensation on my face more and more often, and the itching starts at my ears and neck, then runs very quickly through my whole body.

Whenever I think it's under control, something new seems to develop. My face has been the center of this “new” situation for the past few weeks. I try to take pictures so that I can slowly but surely build a "case" to discuss with the doctor. Strange swellings and spots on my face, which come and go, have been the primary cause of my "sad" feelings.

Writing as a therapeutic outlet

My energy level to write has dropped enormously because of this, and yet I have to say that writing works like a kind of therapy. Writing about your own experience and making yourself vulnerable can be a little scary at times, but on the other hand, it also feels like a relief. I believe that there are several people who experience this, and because of my story, they might no longer feel alone. And vice versa, of course—knowing I'm not alone helps me.

This journey can be very lonely, but I hope one day that we will have some more answers and solutions to get rid of this.

I have listed a number of things for myself to find out what triggers my body in this way.

• Being with new projects
• Increase in stress (positive and negative)
• Getting used to new situations
• Traveling often
• Worrying unconsciously or consciously

Prioritizing self-care

I've decided to take a weekend to myself to spoil myself, in the hope that it will help make my body "healthy" again. It was an amazing weekend with a lot of wellness activities, shopping, laughing, and happiness! During the wellness activities, I was talking to the lady who treated my face, and I realized that I need to be more conscious about my skincare, especially with all the burning and itchiness.

When I arrived back home, I did some research about dermatology-tested products to see if I could help my face feel less irritated and dry. I purchased the "face" product line from Alicia Keys, and I hope it helps a little bit. The products are dermatology-tested, and at the very least, I'm enjoying the pleasant smell.

As I mentioned before, even though it can be a very lonely and insecure journey, sometimes all we need is that one small step to keep pushing us forward.

Hopefully, this helps; I'll be happy to keep you informed of my new plan of action.